Beginning in August I hosted a 21 day challenge to clear clutter and reset for the new season. We focused on releasing from all our bodies and our environment. 59 ladies joined me! We cleared, released, and decluttered our way through from the Lions Gate, through the eclipse and right on up to just before September's potent full moon.
Overall the lessons of the Reset for the New Season were pretty big, actually much more impactful on my life than I expected. The intuitive hit to create the challenge came in late spring. When I picked the dates, I did know it would be in middle of such a potent time with some much cosmic support for the work. But I felt it was the right time and the right idea for a program, so I put it in my plans. I also knew not to lock into the WHAT or the HOW. This was a divine feminine transmission and needed to flow with all the space the feminine genius needs as She swirls and spirals into creation. I am learning to trust my divine feminine power and wisdom more each day. I am learning to lean into my flow. Moving into and through the 21-day challenge that was lesson that came forward over and over again. I am resetting how I create, how I trust, and how I listen.
One of my greatest surprises was that shedding and releasing during the Reset led to some really deep conversations and even deeper connecting with my husband. STUFF (the stuff on my schedule, in my mind, holdings in my emotional and energetic bodies, and stuff in the room) was actually an unconscious place of separation keeping us from being closer. We weren’t having problems and so I didn’t set a intention for any relationship healing, but this Reset became a renewal for us and time we began to seed new dreams and goals as a couple.
I also gained more space for play and spontaneity. I developed an understanding that when I load up with STUFF (sugar, grains, items, yucky feelings, to do lists, chaotic thoughts, and heavy energy) that the weight pulls me from the ability to play. I literally cannot play in the weight of STUFF. I need space for play. I am learning new modes of fun, lightheartedness, and instinctiveness on my gearshift of play. I am taking lots about myself less seriously and creating real space for what I truly need to be serious about. I am realizing truth, hard work, and play can be BFF’s on this journey. I am laughing outrageously and dancing more silly dances.
My biggest AHA was looking at how my STUFF and lack of organization was actually a way I was creating chaos that kept me from being in my full power. truly able to live my soul purpose. able to expand.
This chaos of disorganization was a mechanism to keep me small, depleted, and “safe.”
Now, I have been doing this long enough that I know when I hit a story that is about keeping myself safe, that it is the thick of the work and its about to be ON! I know that if we are willing to go into and unravel the story to find what is there that massive change awaits us. I also know its hard, scary, and takes time. The courage to look at our stuff fully and be willing to dig in to releasing, reworking, rewiring, and reclaiming, is full on goddess work. It’s not easy and is SO SO worth it.
Because on the other side of the work, what we find is more of our authentic truth, radiance, and freedom.
I have known throughout the summer that I was being called in new directions and that new work and opportunities were coming. I have been open to it. Excited for what will arise. AND I was surprised to see that a block to stepping into my fullness and my next level was held in the chaotic energy of my disorganizational patterns. One of the reasons I have such a firm commitment to my process is that I know its necessity in my life. It was only through the journey I seeded last spring and walked step by step into and through the 21-day challenge that I was prepared to release and clear this block without any blaming or shaming. It was not easy to look at myself and own it, but I am so grateful for my framework of love that had me meeting myself in the muck, not needing to make myself wrong, but ready to heal.
In looking at my disorganization, I was able to see where it was keeping me as a NO to life; no space, no time, no room for more, no room to expand, no place of importance for what is important, no distinction between what I valued and wanted and what I was just keeping cause…I was supposed to.
The blessed fear of change has faithfully met me at the bottom of each staircase I’ve ever wanted to climb. As I cleared the energy and stories…AND books, papers, pictures, clothes, etc. I arrived at a place of deep compassion for the fear of growing and changing. And deep compassion for myself for all the times I saw this fear waiting to help me expand but I didn’t bring enough light and let the fear loom like the shadow of death until I ran. My compassion flooded over the fear of becoming new and not knowing whom this new person is or how she relates to the world. I felt especially deeply for how the fear of change relates to releasing the tribes of origin and cultural tribes we thought we needed to stay part of. These tribes we have not fit into well but thought we should remain somewhat connected to because we are not led to believe becoming/unbecoming was just that way of process. As I cleared and let go of stuff, the remnants of old identity fell away as well making space to love the people of the former tribes more fully with no need to identify or not identify as one of them.
I am still in the process of integrating and grounding into the new level of expansion. Feeling spacious in my space and my skin feels more raw and vulnerable than I would say I “like.” But I am trying it on, playing with the newness and staying curious about what is coming. We can never truly know what lessons will come when we engage in process and stop lingering at edge of the tunnel. Now knowing…that is both the struggle and the beauty of surrendering to the process. It is where we create so much drama and turmoil. So I would say my ultimate lesson was the confirmation that the only way out is through. And that if we don’t want to live the same year 20 times over we must not shut down process but allow the natural cycle of growth, discomposure, integration, and disintegration to be our guide. So get messy. Stay messy. And let your light radiate.