I have been creating new moon and full moon journal prompts and sharing them my tribe on Facebook. For the past 48 hours I have been sitting with one of the journal prompts I posted in for last week's full moon post:
How can I trust myself enough to let myself grow?
Now you might not know that I tend to like growth, but I do. I embrace radically bold and massive growth BUT from a really grounded and supported place. I am all about bold action when its grounded deep in truth and coming from a well tended/rooted place. I am not a cliff diver unless I have done the training and know the terrain. I believe in risk, but not blindly throwing myself into situations unprepared or without confirmation that I am supposed to.
As I have sat in the inquiry what I see is that the more trust I place in myself, the more I can allow myself to change. I see that knowing myself past and deeper than my personality is key to this. My personality, or created and presented identity, is always afraid of change. Change threatens its existence, and who likes to be annihilated? And that is exactly what my personality is afraid will happen if I change, I will kill it.
This of course isn't true, I will always have a personality as long as I am human. My ego is formed and doing its job...it isn't going away. So the key to change is trusting my deeper self, AND helping my ego feel safe enough to allow me to change. One of the best ways to do this is to recognize my layers and that my ego/personality/thoughts/mental body is just one layer of my onion. An important layer I want to work with but not all of me.
I am re-reading Big Magic by Elizabeth Gilbert. I assigned it as the summer reading for my students and we are all enjoying reading and discussing it. One of the examples she gives is working with her fear. She says she invites fear along. That when she and her creativity are going on a road trip (ie:beginning a process) she says to fear-I know you are going to come along because you always come along, and you are welcome. But then she goes on to lay out some rules for fear to follow if it's coming along (of course she does with her great wit). The most important rule is the fear is by no means ever allowed to drive!
I think this is so important. As I learn to trust myself deeper, as I stay committed to growing into the fullest most radiant version of myself, and as I allow change to unfold from a deep place that brings forward more of me, I know fear will come up. But if I can invite it to the table, pour it a glass of wine, and set the rules of engagement for myself, then it feels like there is not a battle to wage with my ego. I don't need to banish fear. I don't need to ignore it. I don't have to pretend to be fearless. Courage isn't the absence of fear, it's the conscious inclusion of fear in my process.
So what are the rules of engagement you will set with fear to keep YOU in the drivers seat? How can you invite ALL of you into process? If you up the trust, what else do you need to up/engage/acknowledge?