This morning I awoke with the conscious thought "I will not abandon myself today."
I know this was planted from our meeting and I'm super grateful. It was another rough night. So exhaustion building upon exhaustion. No good. As I mentioned last night, part of my story around being tired is that I'm in a bad mood. I was able to shift that story Sunday and take a closer look at myself. In times of exhaustion I give myself lots of passes-to eat poorly, to have no patience, to be irritable, to not be present. Not my higher self operating at all. In my ideal I would never be exhausted. I would sleep well and get the amount of sleep I need. Well, I have realized waiting for life to be ideal is not necessarily a good use of my time. So while I will continue to tackle my health issues that are keeping me from sleeping, I also want to be present with what is happening.
The thought after I heard myself say in my head "I will not abandon myself today," was "I am not sure I know what that means." So I sat up and started a bit of stretching while thinking what might be ways I would abandon myself on a busy day where I am exhausted.
Eating is a sure bet. Also, talking short with myself and others. Going on autopilot and not being present. Blaming others came to mind.
What I decided was that I would do my best to support myself by listening to my needs. The day is 2/3rds done and for as tired as I am it has been ok. I hope to get some better sleep tomorrow but I will also continue this exploration of not abandoning myself in my everyday life. Reminding myself that it's not just in crises or huge events that I need support. I must learn to support my journey every step of the way.